That Exit Sign

Came back from outreach feeling like an empty cardboard box with bricks piled on top. Ever feel like that?  I was running and dancing to the tunes of alarm bells and  red flashing lights. What happened?

I gave and didn't replenish. I withdrew and didn't deposit. So I came back home, broke spiritually. I blamed God for the bricks that piled and to make matter worse we lacked even more financially. My husband's contract was changed and he wasn't getting much work so finally he resigned.So no source of income, a fragile state of emotion and the blame game. It was tiring. I mean all the stress, the fighting, all the turmoil, all covered by a brave front.

I was looking for the exit sign. Where is it? When is it going to end? Who will rescue us? (I mean God surely hasn't because if He wanted to, He would have done it by now!) Right? When will the door open? My gosh! can somebody make something happen already?

In the end, I caved. God was not moved or impressed with my attitude and that was tough to accept!

It was wonderful to go home and see our friends and family and feel like a visitor for 7 weeks.  It was shocking to see the so many changes that's happened in the last 7 years we've been away from Fiji. All the nieces and nephews are all grown up and somehow the only mental picture we had of them were when they were little as we left them. They were all tall handsome young men and women now days.

We came back to the reality of life after outreach. Bills needed to be paid, food on the table and the list goes on and on.Faced with this, my default option was the exit sign....I wasn't looking  at what God might be trying to say in this but where is the exit sign. Just breathe, one step at a time and keep moving, right?

Wrong!!!! The exit sign isn't the answer. The answer is in the waiting, it's in the seeking and asking, the knocking. Faith is not looking for the exit sign but waiting to hear what God is saying in this. Faith is not taking flight or expecting a chariot of fire for deliverance in trial. Faith is waiting, hearing and it is pleasing to God.

In the frustration of nothingness, God spoke, " Nesi. remember the children of Israel, I gave them water from a rock, I fed them manna and quail from heaven, I parted the red sea for them. I can do that for you. Stop looking for the exit sign and look to Me. You will only wander in this desert if you continue to look for the exit sign. We went to church that Sunday and our Pastor spoke the exact same thing. I was like," Okay you got my attention!!!"

Honestly I didn't know to take that as an encouragement or rebuke. 

Today, we're still waiting for a job for Api for other prayer requests but we're not discouraged anymore. I'll be honest and say that the temptation to look for the exit sign is always present but I have learnt that it's not going to make the process any faster. This process is bringing us closer together as a family. Even little Emmanuel is learning that if he wants something or go shopping, he has to pray. I am learning about love again, about contentment, about humility to accept help or ask for it, to receive love and generously give back.

The exit sign should be re-worded and I think it should say, " If you want to come back this way, look for the exit sign. if you want to move on, wait and listen"



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